Have you ever committed a faux pas so amazingly glaring, that you knew immediately everyone must be thinking you were a total rube, someone from a backwater town, a regular Eliza Doolittle. You wondered, “Did that really come from my mouth?”

            Jordan and I are generally very well informed in regards to food matters. We dine out quite frequently, often at the “trendy” places, and I read every food magazine that I can afford. But sometimes, something just slips past.

            A case in point: This past Christmas at my sister-in-law’s home I said something so naive that I am still blushing. Lisa is a very sophisticated hostess. Her table always looks like a Martha Stewart cover. At her Christmas dinner, each place was set with a very delicate and tasselled gold voile napkin. I asked Lisa’s mother-in-law, an extremely educated and cultured woman, how Lisa washed these napkins. Without batting an eyelash she said, “Oh, Lisa doesn’t clean these.” I was quite surprised and just a tad grossed out. But then, before committing total social suicide, I picked up the fine gold fabric only to discover that it was actually a decorative cover wrapped around a white linen napkin. Following the lead of those who obviously weren’t brought up in a barn, I removed the cover and draped it over the back of my chair. I was relieved that I wasn’t going to have to use a previously used napkin, but it was too late to retract my blunder.

            There is a new trend in finer dining establishments that has just recently come to my attention, and I felt it my duty to pass along this information before you find yourself in an equally humiliating situation. 

            I learned about it quite by accident. Jordan had given me a new cookbook for Christmas. To clarify, he actually bought a new cookbook for himself, but pretended it was a gift for me. My suspicion that this was the case was instantly aroused on opening my “present” and finding sticky notes already pasted throughout. The book, Amuse-Bouche, written by Rick Tramonto, is beautifully photographed and filled with imaginative and inventive hors d’oeuvre ideas. Using my highschool French, I translated the title into “funny mouth.” Food that makes you chuckle?

            I only had to look as far as our well-worn copy of Food Lover’s Companion to discover that the expression is actually an old one literally meaning “mouth amusement” and refers to bite-sized appetizers. In France, these small bites are presented to diners to show off the talents of the chef and tantalize the taste buds. Not unlike free samples at Costco. Sometimes they may be just a way to thank loyal patrons. They are traditionally presented with outrageously artistic flair and they are free.

            This trend has now migrated to North America, where in large cosmopolitan centres such as New York and Vancouver, you might well have a waiter arrive at your table with several tiny but intricately presented bites of food. Sometimes it may even be a thimble of soup. Whatever you do don’t: a) ask where the rest of the food is; and b) tell the guy that he’s made a mistake and that you didn’t order this and you aren’t going to pay for it either!

            Just remember this article before opening your mouth. You may be thanking me someday for this.