It has been six months since I became the proud owner of my very own chest freezer, and I clearly recall promising myself that I would not allow my freezer to become a bottomless pit, a convenient repository for unlabelled, unused, unwanted, and unsafe food items.

             Where was the whiteboard with its diligently maintained inventory of stock that I had sworn I would keep? Where were the baskets and bins of orderly, labelled and, I might add, colour coordinated freezer containers that I was going to have?

Well, certainly they weren’t in my freezer! When I opened the lid to take an objective look at the lay of the land (so to speak), I acknowledged the fact that the great, white freezer had sucked me in like so many well-intentioned people before me.

Why is it that we can’t bear to throw out bread? It’s just flour, and if you believe all that Atkins stuff, not the best thing for you, even since sliced bread. But, you just never know when there is going to be a devastating famine and those five bags of part-loaves and buns may be all that come between you and starvation.

 And party ice. I have three full and part-full blue bags, which once contained cubes that could fit into a glass. The only thing these ice blocks are good for now is a bathtub sangria party.

It’s the same way with ice cream. “Just to be sure,” I always purchase another tub, or ask someone to bring one whenever we have cake or pie. Why doesn’t anyone ever take it home with them? And why do the containers always leak? Speaking of leaking, I have several assorted tins of brightly coloured, sugary beverages: all sticky; all leaking. This may explain the nasty looking red pool at the bottom of the freezer. It might be blood, but judging from the unnatural hue, its likely source is one of the aforementioned tins.

Found: one chilled martini glass, for the person who obviously likes to drink his martini “up” and alone.

I keep a package of butter frozen. I don’t know why, but when I heard that you “could” I must have inferred that you “should.” Maybe some day I will have a butter crisis and be happy that I “did!” I also came across a pound of mozzarella and a package of fake ground round. Perhaps I had started to make veggie lasagna?

 I almost threw out the part-package of phyllo. Ever since I discovered that I could refreeze phyllo in this humid climate, I began to refreeze any leftovers. Unfortunately, this has created a never-ending dilemma. Since most of my recipes use up a full package of the dough, and I use the leftovers first, I am always left with another part-package. Which begs the question: how did I end up with a part-package in the first place?

I carefully righted two large pans of fragile phyllo appetizers that I had laboured over for an entire evening. Hours of work, and “someone” had tossed a roast on top of them. I may have to kill “someone.”

Under these containers, I found two small, unlabelled ones. On first look, I wasn’t sure what they contained, then I recognized one of them as the pomegranate juice I had meticulously extracted last fall and frozen raspberries from last year’s Farmers’ market! Perhaps these were the source of the scarlet mess on the bottom of the freezer. Even so, I couldn’t bear to toss out the juice because it took so long to make it, but I do need to find a recipe for a pomegranate sauce that doesn’t turn everything a deathly shade of grey.

Tossed in with (and I do mean that in the literal sense) this whole disaster are actually some practical and even safe-to-eat items. I always keep packages of seafood such as shrimp or the pre-mixed seafood packages from Maranatha, for quick curry or pasta dishes. I almost always have a package of chicken drumettes (far more civilized than having to chop off the tip of the whole wing), frozen pizzas for those Flames’ games or for a quick appetizer tray, and steaks.

Well, that’s about everything. Everything except for those frozen hamburgers that I keep meaning to throw out. But hey, the kids might be here next week! Mozzarella burgers! I can even use up some of those frozen buns.

For some reason, it just never seems to work that way. Maybe if I keep a whiteboard inventory of my freezer stock…?