I have been much too busy with my visiting Mom and niece to really sit down at the computer and write a column for this week. On top of that, there was another little distraction— the rapidly approaching Home and Garden Tour!

 When I first agreed to put my home on the tour, the end of June seemed eons away— two months would certainly be plenty of time to get the place ship-shape. But, alas, I am a procrastinator.

I suppose that at this moment, there are folks all over the island making offerings to the Goddess of Gardens, if only she would smile on them and return life and vigour to once thriving, but now struggling, roses and peonies.

I told Mom and my niece that whales were often seen frolicking off the Malaspina Galleries, so while they are out getting excited over every passing piece of drift wood or bunch of kelp—I know, I’m a terrible person—I have time to jot down a few procedural notes and points of protocol for anyone coming to see our home.

1)           We really don’t garden; we buy pots already made up and find that just keeping these watered and hidden from the deer is demanding enough work.

2)           Jordan and I also buy “stuff” for the yard.  We prefer the term “eclectic yard art” over “junk.”

3)           I like fallen branches and leaves. I don’t think there is anything quite as naturally perfect as the serene angle of repose of a fallen, moss-covered branch.

4)           Our cat bites if provoked and he is easily provoked. He also gets upset when people call him “She.”

5)           I don’t dust, so don’t run your fingers over any horizontal surface.

6)           I don’t do windows well; let’s just hope it’s a dull day.

7)           I love books, so tend to keep the most current ones—at least from the last 3 years—readily at hand in case I want to re-read or lend them. I consider well-stacked books and magazines a seriously underrated art form.

8)           I am known to my friends as the Queen of Clutter; Countess of Condiments. I prefer these terms over “Princess of Pandemonium.”

9)           I like bright, shiny objects, especially red ones, but this does not negate point number 5.

10)        Everything has a story.

So, if you want to see a home that will quite possibly make yours seem by comparison the cleanest and most orderly home on the island, you’ll just have to buy a ticket for the Home and Garden tour and come for a visit to my Island Kitchen.