I woke up last night in a cold sweat. Maybe it was just the Brussels sprouts I had served for our Thanksgiving dinner that evening plaguing my sleep. Or could it be I was experiencing guilty remorse for being such an inhumane wastrel. Had I been rash the previous evening; an embarrassment to all conscientious homemakers in the world? Was it too late to retrieve the turkey carcass from the garbage?

            Why hadn’t I stored it away in the freezer, stuffed into my favourite pasta pot so that it would be ready to simply add water and simmer, only to discover it weeks later in the mad search to locate this same pot? Were there thousands of hungry people in the world who would go hungry because I had so cavalierly thrown away the remains of last night’s dinner? At the very least, shouldn’t I have at least offered it to one of my guests in a doggy bag?

            Fortunately for all, I knew it wouldn’t be wise to try and salvage the carcass at this late hour. That could definitely be construed as an inhumane act, if not even manslaughter.

            And then, it suddenly came to me that I had made soup from the ghost of Christmas dinner last year, and after hours of simmering, skimming, straining, and then adding a crisper-full of ingredients, I had thought to myself: why not just use a broth cube, or for that matter, a stone. This, of course, in that middle-of-the-night world of racing imagination, made me think of Stone Soup.

            Do any of you remember the story Stone Soup?  It was a story I read to my boys when they were young. There are many versions of this story; some quite cynical and others more optimistic. It goes something like this:

            There were these two starving travellers (or soldiers, depending upon the version) who had not had anything to eat for days. They came upon a famine-starved (or war-torn) village, where the villagers were also suffering from hunger. When the travellers approached any door to ask for a small bite of food, the poor villagers turned them away, saying that they had no food to share. (In the cynical version, they are all just mean-spirited.)

             And so, the travellers set up camp and in a pot over the fire, began to boil water. In view of some villagers, they placed several stones into the pot; let it simmer awhile, occasionally sipping it with an appreciative grunt. The curious villagers came forward one by one, and were told how good it tasted, although it perhaps could use just a little salt; a little potato; some carrot; some onion, etc. And one by one the villagers ran off and brought back a little something to add to the “soup.” Do you see where this is going?

            By the end of the day, there was a marvellous tasting soup, enough to feed the whole village. And everyone went to sleep that night with a full stomach.

            No wonder I have nightmares. Maybe next year, I should just order one of those Turduckens. That’s one of those horrible sounding gourmet inventions that surfaced in the last few years. A deboned chicken is stuffed into a deboned duck and then into a partially deboned turkey. All three layers have their own appropriate stuffing. I wouldn’t even be surprised if it was all deep-fried at this point, but at least I wouldn’t be losing sleep over throwing out the carcass; there wouldn’t be anything left. Any sleep lost over this bird would be due to indigestion!

            Speaking of alternative turkeys, my sister Mary apparently served a frozen “turkey” in a box this Thanksgiving. It was some sort of all-white meat boneless this, except for the two legs. My Mom, who couldn’t wait to tell me about Mary’s turkey transgression, wasn’t sure if the legs were the original ones that came with the bird, or stuck on just for looks. She did add that the bird was quite good.

            I have to wonder why my sister, who just spent several months and thousands of dollars renovating her kitchen, buying all new appliances, insists upon serving foods that come pre-prepared and frozen in a box. But I must add here that I will be forever indebted to her for being such a great straight man!